If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there  to fix the situation... You fix it .
Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend .
And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late .
If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know...tell her/him.
Maybe today, that person is also in love with you .
And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .
If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you...
 tell her/him.
Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late.
If you need a hug of a friend...  ask her/him for it. 
Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it
today,  tomorrow can be too late. If you really have friends  who you appreciate...  tell them.
Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave
or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late. 
If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it .
Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That
if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late.

SEND THIS MAIL TO EVERY PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT , INCLUDING THE ONE WHO SENT IT TO YOU. YOU'LL SEE HOW YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW
THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU , THAT YOU DIDN'T
KNEW . Forward it today... coz tomorrow can be too
late...

White Rose On The Grave

It's haunting and killing me softly. It's like a cancer who eat my soul alive from inside and slowly it take my whole life.

I separated from the other's world and I have to stay here alone in my cold world, in a dark and empty world with none beside me.

How could this happen to me?

This cancer is my death, no cure, no remedy but DIE! People told me that cancer is not a death penalty but why I see nothing but death. If this cancer is not a death penalty then why it's getting worse each day? I'm dying but don't know what to do. I just can sit and watch my life being eaten. I have nothing to stop it, I have no power to fight it.

It's like a toxic who infected my life, my body and my soul. It's killing me and I'm dying inside.

Someone told me to stop listening music, at least not the kind of music who give me inspiration about death and darkness. How can I stop listening music where music is the only one who can give me the understanding I need cause music is the only thing that fill my lonely world, without music I feel so empty.

I rarely hear people talking and I need to hear sound to know I'm not alone. I rarely talking to other, I can even count my words when I talk to other. And I'm singing just to show I have voice to be heard. I need to speak my mind but nobody listen to me. When I'm singing at least I let out what inside my mind even none understand it.

Music is part of my life, music is like a friend for me, so how can I stop?

I like this song so much, my friend Rashad helped me to find this song. I'm so thankful for his help. It's a song from evanescence, I like all song from evanescence but the most favorites song only "Hello" and "Missing". 

My friend, Moe, asked me why this song. I don't know I just like this song. Maybe it's right the song represented what I feel inside. 

I know none will realize my absence, nobody recognize it. Nobody cares whether I'm alive or dead. Nobody None!!! So why should I care for what other people say, it's so easy to give comment about something but each person has different life and different character to live this life. Simply, I don't care whether you care for me or not cause I don't even care for myself. I have my own life, I have my own character, I have my own personality, I have my own way to solve my life. 

Who cares with other! Who needs people anyway, I don't need nobody to tell me what I want, what I'm gonna do about my destiny. Nobody telling me just what I wanna, I'm so fed up with people telling me to be someone else BUT me!!!

I'm sick and tired of this life, no I'm not hopeless but I just feel like I can't go on, I don't have enough power to continue this life. And I don't have any reason to make me stay. 

I'm tired from people, they told me to be strong, they told me bla bla bla don't give up. Or just say "no she will be fine" 

I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm not hopeless, I'm not giving up but I'm tired. I don't want to go on. I feel like my life stuck here. 

People start to give comment as the way they want. I feel so bored, so much bored from what they said. They don't know me, they don't know my life, there is so much of me they haven't see. Why it's so easy for them to give comment about me as if they really know me, I never give comment about their life. Do they really care about me? Do they worry about me? Is it someone missing me? Is it someone care when I'm gone? Forget it, cause for me it's not gonna change anything. It won't change the real of me. 

Don't try to fix me cause I'm not broken, I'm doing fine, I feel good. 

I'm sick and tired, some people think I only want to make sensation. I don't care what they say. This is not what I looking for, I don't need pity and I don't need your sympathy, cause I have my own way to make me feel safe and calm. 

Why do you have to love a person who don't love you like the way I do???

I don't remember where I got this sentences from but it's quiet interesting. Sound romantic oh no it's tragic, cause it seem one way love. Yeah, sometimes love comes to the wrong person or comes at wrong situation. 

why do we have to love a person who don't care about us? A person who don't care whether we're alive or dead.

You know somebody telling me I have a cold heart. Maybe it's true. He said I never let anyone to take care on me and to show me that he really cares. 

There is a song I like to sing but never realized this song is about me. Well, not really. a song from Madonna with title "Frozen". yeah that's the song.

I'm frozen when my heart is not open. It's funny, I don't think that I'm like this but each person have their own opinion about me. If he think I'm a cold person, it's up to him. This is me, the real me. Just the way I am, Just the way I do. 

Miss You Love"

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

It's just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

My friend just watched video of  September 11, Twins tower tragedy. In the video Ossama mentioned "We love death, and Americans love life". 

Well I love death, and death inspired me so much but it don't mean I related to Ossama. My friend was wondering and thought I counting down to 11 September, and asking why this date. Lo0o0oL He advice me to pick up another date like New year or X-mass where many people celebrate it. Duh, he doesn't know that September 10 is my birth date. I think it's cool to have the same birth date and death date. In my tomb stone it will written "Born 10 September, dead 10 September". My friend try to argue me and told me to pick up a day where people celebrate it or many people will remember. But No, I don't need people to know, I don't need them to remember, just leave me in peace.

He asked me to delay the day at least until new year but if I delayed the plan then I must delay it for 1 year. My time is running out, only 12 days left. Less than 2 WEEKS!!!

Well ... 

This is me, was born 10 September. I always wondering ... WTC tragedy happened on 11 September 2001 and A bomb exploded in Australian Embassy 9 September 2004. And My b'day between 2 tragedy. But why the terrorist didn't make anything on my bday? Well maybe I'm the tragedy itself for the world :-p Tribute 11 September for WTC tragedy, Tribute 9 September for Australian embassy bomb, Tribute 10 September for MY BDAY. Hell yeah I'm the tragedy, I'm the EVIL. 

Do I deserve to live? Do I deserve this life??

Top Videos:

1. My chemical romance - Helena

2. J.Lo feat Mark Anthony - No Me Ames

3. Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart

4. Simple Plan - Untitled

5. Dido feat Eminem 

there is one thing linked the videos, well you have to watch the videos to know what is it. 

One word: DEATH

Actually I want to add Britney Spears video clip "Every time" but this video is censored at the part I like (the suicide scene) so I kicked this video outta my list.

Favorite movie: A Walk To Remember

it's a nice movie and also have good soundtrack. This movie is touching, in the end she died cause of cancer. But she got her dreams come true before the cancer killed her. She died in happiness. 

I don't have dream to make it come true. I buried all my dreams inside my soul. It's mean nothing for me. All I think about is death. I just try to love death before death come to take my soul away.

I still have one intention but I know it's hard to make it real. I just want to be home.

You can make feeling home again.

I don't believe in fairy tale, I mean yeah romantic story to be real. 

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

-------------------------------

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

and I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

understand the things I say, don’t turn away from me

‘cause I’ve spend half my life out there

you wouldn’t disagree

do you see me?

Do you like me?

Do you like me standing out there?

Do you notice?

Do you know me?

Does anyone care?

Unhappiness where’s when I was young

And we didn’t give a damn

Cause we were raised

To see life as fun and take it if we can

My mother, she hold me when I was out there

My father, he liked me

Does anyone care?

Understand the things I’ve become

It wasn’t my design

And people everywhere think something better than I am

But I miss you

Cause I like it when I was out there

Do you know this?

Does anyone care …

Mama please stop cryin'
I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and it's
Tearing me down

I hear glasses breakin'
As I sit up in my bed
I told God you didn't mean
Those nasty things you said
You fight about everything
'Bout me and my brother
And this I come home to
This is my shelter

It ain't easy, growin' up in world war 3
Never knowin' what love could be
You'll see, I don't want love to destroy me
Like it has done my family

 Daddy please stop yelling

I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop crying
'Cause I need you around

My mama she loves you, I know it
No matter what she says is true
I know that she hurts you
But remember I love you too!

I ran away today, ran from the noise
Ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place
But don't have no choice, no way

It ain't easy, growing up in world war 3
Never knowing what love could be
But I've seen, I don't want love to destroy me
Like it did my family

 In our family portrait
We look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it
Comes naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays

I don't want two addresses
I don't want a stepbrother anyway
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name!

 In our family portrait

We look pretty happy
We look pretty normal

I promise I'll be better
Lets go back to that

Mommy I'll do anything
 
Remember that the night you left
You took my shining star
Mama will be nicer
I'll be so much better
I'll tell my brother
I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better
I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night